People with different attachment styles behave and interact differently in relationships. Early attachment styles revolve around the interaction between parents and children.
The term attachment style describes patterns of attachment in romantic relationships in adulthood. A lot of attachment research and theory developed in the 1960s and 1970s led to the concept of attachment styles. The most common 4 attachment styles are typically recognized by psychologists today.
Related: Attachment Disorders
What is attachment?
Attachment is defined as a specially formed emotional bond involving comfort, care and pleasure. While attachment theory is usually credited to a researcher other than Freud, its roots can be traced to his theories of love.
Among Bowlby’s many contributions to attachment theory was his definition of attachment as “a lasting psychological connection between humans.”1 Bowlby shared the psychoanalytic belief that early experiences in childhood influence behavior and development in the future.
Our attachment styles are shaped by the infant-caregiver relationship when we are young. Moreover, Bowlby believed attachments played an important role in evolutionary survival. “The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals [is] a basic component of human nature,” he explained.
Do you see repeating patterns in your love life?
The way you behave in relationships may never have been fully considered or analyzed. Even so, you may have noticed certain patterns in your relationship.
Do you ever wonder why you keep finding yourself in the same situation no matter what partner you choose?
How do you deal with clinginess or jealousy? Is your involvement always greater than your partner’s? What if you want to be intimate with someone, but you shy away from it once you get close emotionally?
You might benefit from exploring the way you attach to people in intimate relationships if you’ve noticed unhealthy and emotionally challenging behaviors in your love life. The importance of attachment theory here cannot be overstated.
How do attachment styles develop in early childhood?
A child’s perception of close relationships is shaped by the behavior of the primary caregiver (usually his or her parents).
There is a dependency between the child and his or her caregivers that seeks comfort, soothing, and support. The child will become securely attached if their physical and emotional needs are met.
To achieve this, caregivers must provide a warm and caring environment as well as pay attention to each child’s specific needs, even if these needs cannot be easily expressed.
An insecure attachment in the child may result from a parent’s misattunement. It is important to note that each attachment style has its own characteristics and traits. People don’t always fit into one category: you do not have to fit ‘the profile’ exactly.
Using self-analysis is the first step in improving your love life by identifying unhealthy behaviors. Let’s get started!
1. Secure attachment characteristics
When their parents leave, children who are securely attached usually become visibly upset, but once their parents return, they are usually happy as well. Frightened children will seek comfort from their parents or caregivers.
Securely attached children welcome the return of parents and are readily accepting of contact initiated by their parents. The vast majority of these children prefer to be with their parents over strangers in the absence of a parent or caregiver, although other people can comfort them to an extent.
Play is a common activity among secure attachment parents. Additionally, they respond to their children more quickly and are generally more responsive to them than parents with insecurely attached children.
Researchers have shown that secure attachment-styled children exhibit greater empathy as they age. Secure attachment-styled children are also described as less disruptive, less aggressive, and more mature than their ambivalent or avoidant counterparts.
- Separated from the parent
- Comforts parents when frightened
- Parents are greeted with positive emotions upon their return
- Parents are preferred over strangers
- Build trusting, lasting relationships
- Self-esteem tends to be high
- Feelings should be shared with partners and friends
- Take advantage of social support
Even though it is normal and expected for caregivers to develop a secure attachment with their patients, Hazan and Shaver point out that it is not always possible. Several factors have been identified as contributing to the development of secure attachment (or its absence), including a mother’s responsiveness to her infant’s needs during the first year of life.
Babies who are poorly supported by their mothers or who are interfered with often cling to them and are anxious. Generally, children who have their mothers consistently reject or ignore their infants try to avoid contact with them as they grow.
Adults who have a secure attachment tend to have long-term, trusting relationships. Securely attached individuals also have high self-esteem, enjoy intimate relationships, seek out social support, and can express their emotions.
Researchers found that women who describe themselves as secure in their attachment style expressed more positive feelings about their adult romantic relationships than others who considered themselves insecure.
Do you consider yourself to be securely attached? Five-six percent of respondents in a classic study by Hazan and Shaver had an accurate assessment of their security, while twenty-five percent identified themselves as avoidant, and 19 percent as ambivalent/anxious.
2. Ambivalent attachment characteristics
Children who have an ambivalent attachment are likely to be suspicious of strangers. It is obvious that these children are distressed when separated from a parent or caregiver, but they appear unreassured or comforted by the return of the parent. Some children may passively reject their parents by refusing comfort, or they may openly show aggression toward them.
Only 7 to 15 percent of US infants exhibit ambivalent attachment, Cassidy and Berlin found.8 In a review of the empirical research on ambivalent attachment, Cassidy and Berlin also found that low maternal availability is associated with ambivalent attachment insecurity. Children who exhibit these traits are described by teachers as being clingy and overly dependent as they get older.
- Be cautious around strangers
- When parents leave, they become greatly distressed
- When parents return, don’t appear comforted
- Relationships with others are difficult
- Feel they are not loved by their partner
- Become very upset when relationships end
Those with ambivalent attachment styles often feel hesitant about becoming close to others and worry that they will not be reciprocated. The result is frequent breakups, often due to a feeling of coldness and distance between the partners.
These people are particularly affected by the breakup of a relationship. The pathological pattern of ambivalent attachments between adults and children as a source of security was described by Cassidy and Berlin.
Check: Psychotic Disorders
3. Avoidant attachment characteristics
The avoidant attachment style is characterized by children avoiding their parents and caregivers. When one has been absent, this avoidance is often more prominent.
Children with these traits may not reject attention, but they also may not seek comfort or contact from a parent. An avoidant attachment child does not prefer their parents to a stranger.
- May avoid parents
- Parents should not provide much comfort or contact to you
- Do not show a preference for parents over strangers
- Intimacy issues may occur
- Engage in social and romantic relationships with little emotion
- Incapable of sharing feelings or thoughts with others
Those with avoidant attachments often have trouble establishing close relationships as adults. In these people, relationships are not an emotional investment and relationships end with little distress.
Often, they will use excuses (such as long working hours) to avoid intimacy or fantasize about other people during sex. Researchers have also found that adults who have an avoidant attachment style tend to engage in casual sex more often.
The partner is also unable to share feelings, thoughts, or emotions with the partner, which is another characteristic common among couples.
Check: Personality Disorders
4. Disorganized attachment characteristics
Attachment behaviors are unclear in children with an organized-insecure attachment style. They often react to caregivers in a range of ways, including avoiding or resisting them. Children with this disorder display confused or apprehensive behavior when they are in the presence of a caregiver.
At Age 1
- Display an avoidant and resistant attitude
- May seem confused, dazed, or apprehensive
- Takes on a parental role
- Children may act as caregivers for their parents
This style of attachment may be explained by inconsistent parenting behavior on behalf of parents. A disorganized attachment style is a result of parents who act as both fearful and reassuring figures to a child.
Main and Hesse argue this in their later research. Due to the confusion caused by the child’s conflicting feelings, the parent comforts and frightens the child.
The early relationships with caregivers play a key role in our development, regardless of whether the attachments we have as adults accurately reflect those we have as children. When you gain a greater appreciation of the impact of attachment on adult relationships, you may be better equipped to understand how the earliest attachments in your life may influence them.